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I'm lookin' past ya

So... I'm being stupid. And bad. BAD, STUPID JESSYKA.

Yeah, pretty much. 'Cause I'm just gonna get hurt again. Let down. Used. Etc. But I can't just, not talk to him. Ya know? I mean. I dunno. It's weird. I enjoy not seeing him. Not hearing his voice, or his laughter. Not seeing his eyes or smile. Just, him not being in my life. But at the same time it kills me. Because he was a good guy. I mean, he needed to prioritize some shit. But all in all, he was pretty cool. And when we were friends, it was cool. Bleh. I dunno. Whenever I see him now, or talk to him now, it feels as if I have to show off. Like, show him how much better off I am now. Or how much prettier I am now. And shit like that. Am I a bitch for doing that?

Arggg it's so confusing. But it won't stop me. Watch. Eh. I hate myself when it comes to guys. Well, more so HIM. Yeah. He fucks me up more than anyone has, or probably could. Damn him.

But I'm off to bed. Just figured I'd update since I haven't.

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