jessyka blogging at
11-30-05 23:06
So, picture me with short red hair.

Couldn't do it? Didn't think so. So. I'm here to help.

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Like? I do. And if you wanna see me and Sasha being retarded, here's a bunch 'o pictures.

You call it love, I call it sex

But I'm gonna go. Amy got me extremely addicted to MySpace. So that's where all my online time seems to go. Sorry.

I still love you all.

So. I just saw the best movie ever. OH MY GOD. I love it so much. It was magnificant and I cannot wait until next weekend. Because Jesicka, Shaun, and I decided we will see it every weekend until it comes out on video, or until we get poor. lol. Man. It was great.

And now, ladies and gentlemen, picture this. ME with short, reddish hair. Oh yeah son. I look all mature and hott and stuff. It's awesome. I'll have pictures as soon as I take pictures. lol.

But I'm off so buh bye.

::throws hands in air::

Fuck relationships. I don't even want to TRY for them anymore.

Other than that, I feel exhausted. Emotionally. Stupid this. Stupid that. Stupid EVERYTHING and I can't wait until I find something else to occupy my time and mind so that I don't have to think about you.

I hate you and how I feel bad for wanting to hate you. YOU'RE SO FUCKING STUPID. Argg. Why do I feel bad for being so mad at you? I have every reason to be. Stupid you. I hate you. Well, want to hate you. I want to hate you, and be able to say fuck off and mean it, and be able to NOT communicate with you for the rest of my life. But Lord knows that won't happen because it hasn't happened for the past 3 years. Bleh. I hate this. And I think I love you. But don't want to. DEFINATELY DON'T WANT TO. Infact, go fuck yourself because I hate you.

This post was the opposite of what I wanted it to be. Damnit. Oh well. Enjoy.

So. Man. I am gonna LOVE December. It should come FASTER. Yes.

I have figured out how much I will approximately make that month. Minus bills, gas, and food for the month, I will still have 7-800 dollars to spend on presents. Woot. 150 for mom&dad (combined) 50 each for the siblings, 50 for my uncle. The rest will be for friends. Man. This is exciting. I love getting people awesomely cool gifts. And this year will be the best. 'Cause I won't be so damn poor. Woohoo!

I'm gonna do this thing where I get them all gift bags and fill them with random shit that they'll love. Like shirts or cds or little knickknacks or something that reminds them of an inside joke with me. Or something. Ya know? And it'll be 30-50 bucks probably. So that's exciting. I can't wait to do that.

Then there's actual christmas. We're having it here this year. Either Eve or Day, unsure of which one yet. Probably eve. But it seems like it'll be fun. So yay for that.

I get my ipod this month! Woohoo. Probably next week mom said. If not then the week after that. SO score! I'm excited.

I hung out with him today and slept until 3 or so. In his bed. In his arms. Kissing and cuddling and looking into each others eyes. Aww. It was FANTASTIC. Doing the same thing tomorrow. His wish. So I can't wait for that. Then tomorrow between 4 and 9 I'm hanging out with my Shaun Lovah. And prolly Jesicka? Then I have a work meeting and will probably hang out with 'em some more afterwards. Awesome.

Shaun and I are discussing future plans on us housing together. lol. It's fun. I am so excited for that as well. Man.

Sooo. I think I'm going to find a survey thing. Or look up lyrics. Perhaps make a song list that I can put onto a cd when I have more time and the right programs downloaded. Yessss.

I'm far from lonely 11-09-05 14:53
Shit dude.

A few days ago Jay. Today Joey. Who's next? Shane this weekend?

Wtf is going on? Is someone planning all of this out to see if I play the role of the 'stupid girl' and run back to him? Blah.

I like him WAY to much to fuck anything up now. And no guy from my past is going to change that. Not Jay, not Joey, not Shane. No one.

So I'm sorta high and I'm not sure if that made sense but ya know what I mean. I hope. And if not, hopefully I can return and explain it better.

So. Work was cool. And yeah.

WHO THE FUCK CAME IN TO SEE ME TUESDAY? Ahhhh. This is going to drive me completely INSANE. In the membrane! Hahaha. But seriously...
-a guy
-pretty tall
-dark hair
-blue/hazel eyes
-jeans and a gray shirt
-pretty cute
-no piercings
-short hair

Who the fuck is this? What the fuck is going on? Ahhhhhh. I have an idea of who it COULD be. But it's pretty doubtful. I mean, why the fuck would he be coming to see me at work? And does he even know I work there? lol. Then there's another possibility. But the last time I saw him he had blonde hair. But I haven't seen him in about a month. But even if it was him, why the fuck would he be coming to see me at work? Blah. I'm so confused. =(

But mom is begging me to go to Little King because her leg hurts muchos. So since I'm a good kid I'ma do it. Later.

11-03-05 20:27
To make it easier, forget it.

It'll be much easier for me to erase you if you'll forget about me.

Simple as that. Are you willing?

I bet you are.
Today was cool. Woke up around noon, took a shower, then went over to his house to wake his punk ass up. Laid with him in his bed for awhile, poking him until he was ready to get up and get dressed. Then he did and we left. Haha, on our way out to my car his neighbor was like "Is dat yo gurl?" and he was hesitated and was like "Nah, she's my friend" but looked at 'em a certain way I'm assuming, 'cause my back was turned towards them due to me going to my car and all, and the neighbor kid goes "Haha yeah, sure. You know she's yo gurl." It made me giggle a bit. And then we left. Went out to Liquid Courage 'cause he was gonna get his tongue pierced since they're doing that 20 bucks a piercing deal, only come to find out they were loop/ring piercings so the tongue would've been original price. So we left and headed to CrossRoads. I kept calling work and finally got through, only to find out that our checks were MIA. =( So instead we went to my house. Chilled for a bit. Made fun of my brother, ya know, fun stuff. Then I got the sudden urge to swing so we went to Florence Park to swing for about half an hour. And talked about stuff. It was nice. He asked me why Sasha told him to call me the other day. Like, why I wanted him to call me and what I wanted to talk to him about. And instead of telling him, like I should've, I said I didn't wanna talk about it now. Which disappointed him, it seemed, and he took it as me not wanting to talk about it in person but rather the phone. But I explained to him that it's hard to say what it is I want to say, when I need to say it, for some reason. And I didn't want it to not make sense. Which would happen. But as soon as I could figure out how to say it, I'd call him and let him know right away. And then we laughed. heh. Then I took him home and came home. Got my book in the mail from Gripewater and began reading it. And finished it. Woot. I liked it. Alot. It is funny. But pretty true, none the less. And helped me to become COMPLETELY over the doucheass, so woohoo.

But anyways. So after I got done reading, mom and I went to the store. Bought a ton of food and supplies and stuff and came home. I made myself a quick dinner of beefaroni and am now here. Joyous.

Soooo. Tomorrow I work 1-9:30. Then I am gonna head up to Julie's to say hello and hang out for a bit. She said I could drink all I want and stay the night, but I don't think that'll happen seeing as how I have to open on saturday. =( So maybe I'll just hang out there for a few hours and then go up to the bar for an hour or so and then go home. Sounds good to me! heh.

And now I'm off to find something to do. Or fill out. Or something. Laters.

I want to talk to himmmmmmmmmm.

He should call meeeeeee.

But he won't. Oh well I spose.

Sasha told me things today that made me sad. But made me happy at the same time. And makes me want to be with him more. Which isn't good. Well, I guess it could be. Of course it could be. But it may not get that far. Which is why I need to talk to him. Arggg.

But off to clean and try to rearrange my room. Then Shaun and Jesicka shall come over and we'll all do something. I dunno.

Two weeks and three whole days and I give in
I was doing so good but you always win
And I really wish sometimes that we would just move on
But what would I be doing if you were gone

I want Ashlee Simpson's new cd. Just 'cause I like most of her lyrics. ::shrug::

Work was lame. Did floor move all day. I was all cute and dressed up however. That was fun. But yeah. Shaun and Jesicka came up to see me. <33 I love them guys. I was gonna see Saw 2 with them but the latest showing was 9:40 and I wouldn't be leaving the mall til around then. So that sucked.

Tonight makes me question alot of shit. And it sucks. I hate questioning shit. But whatever.

I don't work tomorrow. My first day off in awhile. So tonight could've been the night that I hung out with people 'til 3 in the morning and have a great time like I think I deserve. But instead it was spent sitting here online. How fucking lame is that?

Fuck this shit.

I'm just gonna start keeping to myself. It's a better chance of not getting hurt by people. 'Cause people are fucking lame.

I'm feeling some inspiration so I'm gonna head on downstairs and write some shit. Ye-ah.

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